Insomnesia
I couldn't sleep again last night and the two or three hours I did manage to doze off were filled with dreams that were so vivid and generally fucked up that I don't think those hours should even count as sleep anyway.
I'm at work and a lock is jammed in one of the movie cases. This happens from time to time when the case isn't closed all the way and the lock is forced in by whoever this stupid person is who keeps doing it. Sometimes I just end up breaking the case open to get the DVD out. This time, for whatever reason, there is a gun on the manager's desk and I decide to use it to shoot the lock off. I hold the movie case in front of me and aim the gun at the lock, which is also right at myself, and when I pull the trigger the bullet goes right through and hits me in the forehead.
I don't feel any pain, I just get that extremely nauseous feeling you get when you know you're body is in a lot of trouble. When you get hurt badly the first thing you think of is what you can do right at that instant to help yourself and your next actions become completely objective. Who should I call? 911? Do I need to go to a hospital? Should I clean this? Will it get infected? These questions race around the bullet that is lodged in my head and I come to the conclusion: I just shot myself in the head. There's not much that can be done here. This is it, I'm actually dying.
So I sit down.
My vision isn't gone but all the colors for everything are wrong. Everything goes black and white. Now it's back to the off colors and they change and shift. Sean comes over to me and says the phone is for me and then realizes that I'm not okay. There is no blood but he sees that I shot myself in the head. He starts yelling for help and starts to dial 911. I tell him it's okay, that I'm almost done anyway. I feel like throwing up.
I'm at work and a lock is jammed in one of the movie cases. This happens from time to time when the case isn't closed all the way and the lock is forced in by whoever this stupid person is who keeps doing it. Sometimes I just end up breaking the case open to get the DVD out. This time, for whatever reason, there is a gun on the manager's desk and I decide to use it to shoot the lock off. I hold the movie case in front of me and aim the gun at the lock, which is also right at myself, and when I pull the trigger the bullet goes right through and hits me in the forehead.
I don't feel any pain, I just get that extremely nauseous feeling you get when you know you're body is in a lot of trouble. When you get hurt badly the first thing you think of is what you can do right at that instant to help yourself and your next actions become completely objective. Who should I call? 911? Do I need to go to a hospital? Should I clean this? Will it get infected? These questions race around the bullet that is lodged in my head and I come to the conclusion: I just shot myself in the head. There's not much that can be done here. This is it, I'm actually dying.
So I sit down.
My vision isn't gone but all the colors for everything are wrong. Everything goes black and white. Now it's back to the off colors and they change and shift. Sean comes over to me and says the phone is for me and then realizes that I'm not okay. There is no blood but he sees that I shot myself in the head. He starts yelling for help and starts to dial 911. I tell him it's okay, that I'm almost done anyway. I feel like throwing up.
posted by James at 2:41 PM
2 Books were burned:
That is quite fucked up. I do like the way in which it was described; seemed very dreamlike indeed. Do you write fiction at all? I like the style in which you wrote that.
Oh, James writes fiction all right. Some good shit, too.
If you ever want to talk about writing, talk to James. We do it lots, he's awesome.
Throw one on the pile
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